11/19/2020: prework avoidance

I've been avoiding the bootcamp pre-work, and thought I had until the end of next week to complete everything. I logged onto Slack today and saw a message saying it was due Monday the 23rd. Reading more messages, I learn I have until Friday the 20th.

I'm not concerned with the FreeCodeCamp tutorials, and completed them easily. Something about the videos though, has me avoiding and putting up walls. I didn't think they would be too hard or that I couldn't understand them, but I did think they would be long and involved. Shortly after I was laid off, I watched the first of the Harvard CS50 class on YouTube, and thought these videos would be similar. 

I realize avoiding is counter-productive when I believe watching them will be long and involved. I blame my avoidance on ADHD. I'm not a fan of videos and lectures in general. I find it difficult to concentrate for that long, and though I've tried I've never learned how to take effective notes. 

I also blame ADHD for procrastination. Problems with organization, prioritization, and planning make it difficult to get started, and last-minute propulsion provides the motivation to get things done. And while I do not believe the content is too difficult, I still have insecurity and a fear of failure to contend with.

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I've also been avoiding the scholarship video assessment, in part because I hate seeing myself on video. I actually showered today, and left my hair down instead of braiding it the way I have been for the last year or so. Braiding may have looked more professional. I don't know. I have no concept of what professional looks like any longer. 

In addition to hating the way I look, I am not capable of speaking succinctly. The video assessment gives 90 seconds for a response. The practice questions were simple, and It couldn't answer them in the time allotted. When it came to the real assessment, the questions were far more complicated. They gave me something like 2 minutes to compose my answers before the recording started, but I still got cut off on every one. I am also not happy with the subjects I chose to talk about. I can't imagine they will award me the scholarship. I wouldn't give it to me, based on my answers. 

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Accomplishments:

14K steps

Complete FreeCodeCamp Javascript course

Complete practice assessment for Tech Elevator scholarship

Submit live assessment for Tech Elevator scholarship