I'm starting to freak out about my financial situation, especially after talking to Jackie last night. She said Stephen sent me money because he doesn't want me moving back to Jeff's, which of course got me thinking about where I stand and how or when I would communicate with Jeff if I had to. I don't expect he would be willing to let me live there even on deferred rent, but then again he might get an ego boost out of it. I will get $125 a week for attending the bootcamp, so I could probably pay for my utilities. That way I wouldn't actively cost him anything. THAT would be too much like borrowing, which is NOT going to happen.
I thought about living there all through our walk tonight. I imagined taking Athena in and out the front door, to avoid the cat situation at the back door. How would I respond if he wanted to walk with us? Part of me says "No thank you" and part of me says yes, but then says "It's not your job to tell me how to walk" if I scuff my foot and he says "pick them up" like he used to. I would have to be on my guard and stand up for myself if he got snarky or egotistical. He doesn't get the right to be an ass just because he's helping me out with deferred rent. That rent will help him out, in the end.
Would being there send me back into a deep depression? I would avoid him as much as possible, staying on the 3rd floor so we didn't disturb him moving around much. I would turn down invitations to dinner, or to have him upstairs. Or would I? Sigh. Part of me still loves him, or still wants the blissful ignorance I had before he broke up with me. I keep reminding myself of his narcissism, but I also remember he was actively in the throes of his addiction at the time, too. I can't be angry at him for not accepting my behavior was different while addicted, if I don't accept his was as well.
I hope it doesn't come to this, because I don't think it would be a good situation. I'm starting to wonder, though, if unemployment will ever process my claim. I can't apply for any federal extended benefits if they don't. I'm sure I have enough food for us to survive the next few months, but I'm not sure if it's enough to survive long enough. I also don't know what to do about car and credit card payments.
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Athena is definitely getting better about the way she responds to other dogs. We walked by a house tonight with a guy and his dog in the front yard. The dog was barking non-stop and pulling on the leash. Watched him intently even after we passed, but she did not lunge. I texted Jen and Julie, I was so pleased. Jen imagined her rolling her eyes and saying "What is your PROBLEM??!" but I saw it more as her doing the two finger thing, back and forth from her eyes to him, saying "I've got my eyes on you!"
It snowed quite a bit while we were out. Athena doesn't seem to mind the big fluffy flakes, just the small pelty ones.
I don't know that either of these houses was all that exciting, but I found them pretty when viewed together.
This is the second day in a row we've gotten out a little late in the morning, only walking for half an hour or so, thus having to walk long at night to make up steps. Both times I probably overdid the evening walk, since we ended up at 17K and 15K, respectively.
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Accomplishments:
15K+ Steps
Watch The Masked Singer finale
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