I decided to return the shock collar. I don't want to have to carry the remote around on our hour+ walks twice a day, and it's yet another thing to remember in the moment. Also, Athena is unhappy enough with the face halter. I don't want her to lose her enthusiasm for walks completely. She seems to be doing well enough with a pre-emptive warning and praise for behaving when we encounter other dogs. We haven't seen the Great Dane since starting this so I'm not sure she's completely got the idea but I'd rather work with her this way.
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I'm also trying to figure out what Athena is allergic to. She gnaws on her feet most days, I can see red hot spots on them, and she often has a rash on her underbelly. I originally thought it was chicken as most of her food is chicken-based, but it didn't go away when I switched to salmon-based food. The vet suggested grass, which made sense since she was rolling in it most days, but with the cold and damp she's stopped. The rash has not. Wheat, corn, or dairy were also possibilities, but removing them from her diet didn't seem to make a difference. The rash comes and goes. The feet gnawing is not every day. It's definitely something in my environment, because she didn't have the rash when she first came to live with me.
It occurred to me she might be allergic to my laundry detergent or fabric softener. I bought unscented, no dye detergent to make carpet shampoo from, so I'm using that to wash all blankets, sheets, and the sweatshirt she wears now the temperatures are below 50 degrees. I have dryer balls so won't use my dryer sheets.
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My nephew is in prison for kidnapping and rape - crimes committed while under the influence of drugs and alcohol. He's 30 years old and 10 years into a 30 year sentence, without access to parole in his state. He's still family though, and I didn't want him to believe everyone had given up on him. I didn't want to believe he was irredeemable. I've tried to keep up a correspondence, which is easier now he has access to email (even if it is pay-to-play and seems extortionist).
Having been through rape and physical assault, I never forget what he did and how that woman will forever be affected by the experience. At the same time, I'm reminded more and more lately a person's actions are a reflection of their own internal demons. My nephew didn't just wake up one morning and randomly decide out of the blue to do what he did. It took years and years of layered experiences to change the young boy I knew into someone who would think kidnapping and rape was a good idea.
I'm glad I've taken the effort to stay in touch with him. We have some life experiences and emotional struggles in common. Depression. ADHD. Physical trauma. Feeling emotionally neglected and utterly misunderstood. He's sober, something he says he wasn't for at least 12 years before the incident. I like who he is now. He found yoga and through that, spirituality. He found peace, which he never had growing up. He seems self-aware and emotionally mature - traits I find scarce in my world.
I don't know who he will be in 20 years, when he's finally released. I don't know how he'll handle that transition. I don't know what he'll do with the rest of his life, but I don't believe he'll go back to drugs and alcohol. I have hope for him, based on the conversations we're having today.
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