February 3, 2011

Repeat after me...

Running 2 miles does not = Wendy's
Running 2 miles does not = candy
Running 2 miles does not = double servings of taco salad, extra cheese and chips

I've ordered pizza 2x in the last month, when previously I don't think I've ordered it 2x in the past 10 years.

I have a tub of frosting in my fridge. I have NEVER purchased a tub of frosting before. I stood in the aisle for a long time, arguing with the self-destructive part of me. Ultimately, she won. 

Needless to say, I've been having a hard time eating well, lately. I blame Thanksgiving and the holidays, but this started when Ninja moved out. I started buying things I never had in the house, because they never would have lasted. They still don't last, and I have no one to blame but myself.
I make all sorts of excuses why I've let myself go. Lack of job, even though I'm progressing in school, and I'm keeping myself busy and productive remodeling my parents' house. Lack of sunlight, even though I'm home or out and about during the day, instead of locked up in an office building. Lack of comfort... That's a real one, though I don't think I feel much comfort by eating the way I do. I'm certainly searching for it, though. Searching for relief from my knee pain. Searching for relief from my loneliness. I didn't think I was lonely until I realized WHEN I'm overeating. In the evening, after everything is done and I'm sitting alone at my computer, playing an on-line game with real people who aren't here.

Before I blew my knee out, my running counter-acted my eating to some degree. I didn't gain any weight, though I stopped losing after a while. I don't know for sure when, since I refuse to have a scale in the house. Every day is a bad day with a scale in the house. I know my clothes are uncomfortably tight now, so I know I gained back most, if not all the weight I lost.
I didn't change my eating habits when I had to stop running, and I didn't change my eating habits now I've started running again. I thought I was eating relatively healthy, (besides the frosting, pizza, and extra servings). I kept track this week. Boy was I wrong! Yes, my quiche has extra veggies, but it also has cheese and crust. And it's the only veggie I ate all week.
I know the routine. I've just come from the grocery store, where I stocked up on veggies I can just grab on the go, along with salad fixings for a full meal. The frosting was scooped out into the trash. I also neglected to purchase diet soda. When what I have is gone, it's gone. I'm not hydrating enough with the increase in activity, and that's making me eat too much as well.

Repeat after me:

Running = taking care of myself
Eating well = taking care of myself
Drinking enough = taking care of myself

It's time to start taking care of myself again.

Zumba tonight, as a warm up for my 2-mile run. Should be fun!


Amy Boukair said...

Let me know how you like Zumba... I'd love to try it sometime!

BabyWeightMyFatAss said...

Good post! It's like you've been lurking in my house...