Rated R

Mom and Dad, you might want to skip this one. That probably should go for Big Bro too, and anyone in the audience who can't handle a little nudity. Go check out what Aunt Gertie is up to, and come back tomorrow. You can't say I didn't warn you. You'll thank me later. Trust me on this one.

Now that we're alone...

I'm sure to get some interesting spam after today's post, and can't wait to see what the ads have to say!

So I've noticed the last few Runner's World magazines have articles about "clothing optional" races. Wait. What? Naked running? Now I'm not a prude. I've thought about visiting a nudist colony. I even participated in this:

Spencer Tunick came to town in 2004.
It was early. It was cold. It was an experience of a lifetime.
You can see videos of the installation HERE and HERE.
I know where I was and I didn't recognize myself, so there's no chance you will

I'm not adverse to the theory of running au natural. I'm not even surprised to find people have been racing sans clothing for years. Runner's World did an article on it in 2008, and I can totally see hippy runners in the 70's and 80's getting their commune with nature on.

For elite athletes with 0% body fat, who run in underwear anyway, I assume this could be freeing and even fun. For a 40 lb. overweight, 43 year old woman, not so much. I am not a fashionable or stylish woman. My clothing choices are based on comfort and function. With my body shape, I need functional running clothes. The bouncing and chaffing would be downright dangerous without them. To wear only what I need for safety's sake would defeat the purpose of a nude race, because I would not be anywhere close to nude. I already show my belly on hot days, in what some people have indicated is an incredible lack of modesty and the appropriate shame. My belly is all I could show in a nude race, without hobbling away after to ice my inner thighs and black eyes. I suppose I could buy stock in Body Glide...

It's not like you have to run barefoot either, although apparently some people do.

I'd have trouble running 3 miles with all that hair around my face.
Looks like she just got it done, too...

Most of these races seem to be just 5K, which is only 3.1 miles and anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes in the sun. Long enough to taste the experience, but not long enough to sunburn.

I wonder what it's like before the race. Do people line up in clothes, then shed them just before the start? At the Spencer Tunick installation, we arrived around 4am for a 5am photo shoot. Some people decided to run around naked in 40 degree weather for at least an hour before we got the word to disrobe. They obviously just wanted to be naked in public.

What about after the race? Does everyone stand around naked, eating bagels and bananas and chatting each other up?

Curious cat is curious. I think the only way I'll find out is to shed this excess weight, and even then I might still need the functional aspects of my running outfit. Considering how quickly I've been shrinking (read, not at all), I may just be SOL.

What about you? Would you run naked on the beach, if everyone around you was running naked too?