April 8, 2012

I'm not dead

I know at least one person missed me, and I'm sorry I never responded to her e-mail. I stopped blogging because it's time consuming, and more than a little narcissistic with only a few followers. I was trying to post on a regular basis, and struggling to find interesting content to talk about. It got to be too much. I still read my list of blogs and comment when I actually have something to say. That in itself is a time sink I probably don't need right now. I've thought about posting... when something happened I actually believed worth sharing. Like when my Mom's kitchen turned yellow. Or when I ran 5K at a 10:26 pace.

I'm still working on my Mom's house - painting the first floor, which is the final step of the original project. There are of course new projects on the horizen, but I'm down to 2 days a week and hope to be done by the end of the month.

The rest of the week I'm studying PHP, SQL, and Python. The idea is learning these programming languages will give me a marketable skill, since I'm still unemployed. I may eventually link a website I'm working on. It's a running database similar to Daily Mile, but without all the social aspects. You'll be able to log in, post your runs, and run reports. It's designed for introverts like me who just want the numbers please, and don't want the high fives for every 3 mile training run. I might add a forum for people to be social, but it won't link to each run like Daily Mile. That's going to be a while though, as I'm only at the beginning of learning the code that will eventually let me set up the interface.

Mostly, I haven't posted because I'm fighting depression again. I thought I had several more months to learn what I need to learn, to get a job in the field I've chosen. That is not the case. The State of Ohio is doing well enough they have cut their unemployment extended benefits. I'm applying for anything and everything over here, with not even a nibble. This is only a little bit frustrating, ovewhelming, and terrifying. I'm also still having difficulties over my Dad passing. You would think I'd be better by now, but I still miss him hard every single day. The combination has alternatly kick-started and stalled my motivation.

Ultimately, I decided once again that it doesn't matter if no one reads my blog. If I have something to say, I'm going to say it. I still like the idea of coming back to it years from now and reading it like a diary. I've done that with past blogs. Interesting, going back to read that. I didn't like myself then, but I like the way I portrayed myself, now. Funny, the final post on that blog was right around Easter, which for me is a celebration of Spring rather than of Zombie Jesus. Spring, which is a time of change, of both endings and beginnings.

Let's begin again, shall we?
Photo Credit: Jeff Sumner

2 comments:

Rose @ Eat, Drink, and Be Meiri said...

When I go back and read my livejournal it's weird and sad. I was most active when I was single and crazy.

BabyWeightMyFatAss said...

yes please stick around. Depression is a bitch but it won't win. * Hugs *