8/15 - Feeling better

I'm just going to keep telling myself this...

I don't want to jinx it, but this has so far been a pretty good week. I worked with the training coordinator to take several completed tasks off my to do list today. I completed a card for the team and learned some more about the PowerBuilder program. I'm being given the opportunity to retake the Ruby class (scheduled for Tuesday) and the Bacon Patrol overview class (scheduled for Thursday).

I also found out more about why Jesus got fired. Turns out I really do have nothing to worry about. I am not about to be fired for skipping training sessions and telling my manager "I didn't want to go." I'm not about to be fired for not handing in homework, for spending 7 of my 8 hours at work on Magic the Gathering forums and watching Batman videos. I'm certainly not about to be fired for skipping my 1:1 meeting with my manager, where we're supposed to communicate about how I'm doing and how I feel about what I'm doing.

So yeah. Add together last night's realization that they won't fire me if I work hard enough and continue to show improvement, with today's new information on why exactly we're now down a man, and I'm feeling a palpable reduction in stress levels.

That said, I didn't make a whole heck of a lot of progress today. I knocked another on-line class off my list. Then I spun my wheels for about 2 hours trying to convert a new Python homework program to Ruby. I'm missing something, and I'm not sure yet what it is. I'm not clear enough on how and when to successfully use classes and/or variables. I may just need to memorize a bunch of methods. I may need to dig deeper into more complex examples. I'd planned to spend time tonight on CodeAcademy, going back to the beginning to see if I missed anything, but that didn't happen. I know I need to continue working hard toward catching up, but I don't have to work every waking hour. Just like I need rest days from working out, I took a rest day from stressing out.

I did have a good hard workout today. Tuesday and today I started by playing with 10lb dumb bells. I know several exercises from P90X videos, so I just did them each 20x. Then I took the Tap Out class, using 3lb weights for all the punching sections. I will probably move up to 5 lb weights for that, pretty soon. I refuse to do most of the floor work because it hurts my back, so I modify by doing something similar in a standing position. This equates into quite a few knee ups, and I'm ok with that. I do try to get as many pushups in as I can, even if most of those are still on my knees. I felt my arms all day today, from Tuesday's workout. I feel them now from today's, so tomorrow and Saturday should be fun.

Superman sent me this smile yesterday:

I love me some pumpkin spice. Not sure how I'm going to get to enjoy it when I'm gluten and sugar free, but we'll see what happens.

I haven't talked much about my current food plan. I've been working at gluten free for a while, and have been successful for over a month now. The sugar free has lasted 3 weeks, except for last Friday when I got trashed on mango margaritas. I'm obviously more inclined to make an exception on the sugar front than I am the gluten one, and I still can't envision my entire life without sugar. I'm leaning very hard toward Paleo (pretty much defined here, though I still eat cheese) as the most sustainable for my particular needs.

The gluten free is supposed to help keep my auto-immune thyroid disorder in check. The sugar free is supposed to help keep me from binging. The paleo is because I like the idea of whole, non-processed foods, and because it fits in with the gluten and sugar free restrictions.

I don't know how well the gluten free thing is working yet, and won't until I've been gluten free for longer than a month at a stretch. I'll need blood tests and probably at least 6 months to a year before I'm convinced it's working, or not. As far as sugar free goes though, other than late night "I'm tired looking for energy" binges (which have been confined to nuts and the occasional peach), I've been doing much better. I don't eat everything in sight. I don't always eat everything on my plate, or that I bring for lunch. As far as I can tell the scale hasn't changed any, but with my thyroid disorder water weight is a constant. I'm mostly comfortable with my current plan, which is mostly what's important. We'll see what my comfort levels are once the pumpkin spice hits the shelves, though...

8/12 - Following my dream and bubble therapy

Following this dream is hard....

My manager suggested Monday that I start taking the Python programs I'm writing for the MIT Introduction to Computer Programming class, and convert them to the Ruby language. I don't need to know Python. I just need to understand the concepts of computer programming. I also need to know Ruby, in part so I can complete upcoming courses in my training. At the time I didn't think I was ready for a challenge like that. Somewhere between Monday and yesterday I changed my mind, at least enough to be willing to give it a try.

This seems to be a theme, by the way. Someone suggests I try something. I immediately say "I'm not ready for that." Then, soon thereafter, I'm trying to figure out how to go about whatever they suggested. If I can curb that initial outburst of uncertainty, I think I'd look more like a go-getter and less like the nervous wreck I feel inside. Just a thought....

Yesterday I decided to try converting some of the homework. I didn't get very far, instead watching a 4 hour video and catching up on assessments and tests I hadn't know were required on some of the classes I've already completed. I also found I was missing a component of SQL Server Management Studio which was listed as a class. That meant I needed it. I spent some time researching how to get it and why I didn't have it, but was unable to install the missing program before leaving for the day.

This morning I woke up thinking I would not only convert the programs to Ruby, but also to Visual Basic. I need to learn the .NET environment, and that requires either Visual Basic or C#. Before I even left for work I'd been up and down on my emotional roller coaster several times, excited about the idea of converting the programs, but concerned over learning 3 languages at once. I imagined what some of the people at work would say, and it wasn't supportive in my head. Of course, by the time I got to work I was feeling overwhelmed and behind schedule again. That seems to be the norm lately, at least part of every day.

I started the work day by visiting another team's stand up meeting, which is part of my new hire requirements. I have to visit all the teams' stand up meetings, eventually. As I was leaving that meeting I heard one of the new hires talking about an intro to C# video training he was taking. A light bulb went off. I talked to one of the trainers on my team, the one who taught the .NET class. He convinced me C# would be better than Visual Basic to learn, for multiple reasons. I now had a plan. I would convert the programs to both Ruby and C#, learning all 3 languages as I went.

First I wanted to get that program I was missing installed onto my machine. Turns out I'd installed the Express edition of SQL Server Management Studio. Express not only doesn't come with SQL Server Profiler, it also prohibits installation of Profiler for some reason. I tried several fixes suggested by various people on the internet, before realizing I really needed to uninstall everything having to do with Management Studio. I was hesitant to do this because I had connections to several databases, plus Powerbuilder, I didn't want to lose. I tried every other suggestion I could find first, but finally admitted defeat and uninstalled Management Studio. Only then could I reinstall the program complete with Profiler. This took the better part of the day, what with uninstalls and reinstalls.

I didn't twiddle my thumbs while my machine was chugging away. I watched some of the intro to C# video. I had a few meetings. We found out the other new hire on my team was let go, so there was a lot of talk about that.

Yes, they fired Jesus. That freaked me out a bit too. I'm not sure who the hell I am anymore, with all this uncertainty and insecurity. Several people had to reassure me, both subtly and outright, that I have nothing to worry about. Of course I'm still concerned I can't learn what I need fast enough, but I'm confident if I continue to work REALLY hard they won't fire me too. Jesus was fired for spending too much time on Magic the Gathering forums, watching cartoons, and doing math equations instead of work. I know he was warned. We meet with our managers every two weeks, one-on-one, specifically to go over concerns on both sides. He was given opportunity to change, but from what I gather he opted not to. This makes no sense to me, but I guess at this point it doesn't matter. He was an irritation to me, and even more so to other members of the team. Now he's gone and I have one less distraction. I'm not doing a happy dance, but part of me is breathing a sigh of relief.

I rode the "they fire people who can't cut it!" wave of anxiety all the way home though. Superman was very supportive, as he has been through this whole roller coaster ride. I sat down after dinner and banged out Ruby and C# interpretations to the first homework assignment. I expected the programs to take much longer than they did, which was a happy surprise. I'm sure as the problems become more challenging, the conversions will too. For now though, I have something to hand in and show for my efforts. Progress is being made, which is important in keeping my job.

I did not indulge in bubble therapy, though I have bubbles at the ready if necessary.

8/12 - Exhaustipated

Today was a good day, though it didn't start that way. After 3 nights averaging around 5 hours sleep, plus physically exhausting myself more than expected at yesterday's race, I was on the low end of my emotional roller coaster. On the way to work I was tired and stressed, feeling behind again with only one homework assignment completed and one video watched to show for the weekend. I was not looking forward to work, where I don't feel I'm working. 

I can see the pattern where I feel better when I actually get stuff done, when I'm not feeling quite as behind. I handed in the homework I completed yesterday. I wrote and handed in my SaaS paper today, which has been hanging over my head for almost a week. I watched today's MIT lecture, and realized the concepts I thought I had to watch the recitations for were covered in the following lecture. While the recitations are good for reiteration, all the concepts appear to be covered in the main lectures, which reduces the hours of video I need to watch by 12. It would still be good to watch them, but if I'm short on time I don't HAVE to. I didn't get the 4 hour Plural Site video watched, but I also don't have any new classes on my schedule until Friday. All this was enough to reduce the stress I'd felt on my way in this morning.

By the end of the day I thought I had to redo two classes, one because the assessment I took did not register and the second because I could not find how to take the assessment. I figured out the first I just needed to page through the entire online "class" again for my score to count. The second I actually will have to take over because, once I figured out how to take it, I failed the 6 question assessment twice. I got two answers wrong on something I watched a week ago, taking the test while my team was in the middle of a loud joke-a-thon and I was barely awake enough to remember how to breathe. Silly me. (As an aside, I cannot WAIT for the noise cancelling headphones I ordered to arrive! Hopefully they will be here by the end of the week.) I'm not stressing about this assessment because the site insists I wait a month before I can try again. I'll worry about it then.

I had my 1:1 with my manager today, which also helped me feel better. He is comfortable with my progress and obvious dedication, and is happy with the daily updates I've been sending out. We talked about how to apply the Python knowledge to Ruby and .NET. I need to expand my focus to learning Ruby, which I plan to do through the CodeAcademy site. The Python classes should help with the actual programming concepts, but I have a 4 day session coming up which I'll need to be able to code in Ruby to get through. I was able to complete the homework for the Ruby class I took, but I am not exactly fluent. I would fall behind without practice beforehand.

We talked about the other classes I have to take. I made it clear he should not refrain from signing me up for technical classes, just because I don't have experience coding. For instance, I should be fine in the XML class, having read and worked with XML files in Support for the past year.

This was me by the time I got home. Not just for seniors any more! I left work early, immediately after my meeting with my manager. Let me tell you how much I enjoy the freedom of a salaried position that way. I come in anywhere between 8:30 and 9:15, so long as I'm there for the 9:15 stand up meeting where everyone on the team talks about what they're working on that day. I take a lunch if and when I feel like it (I don't usually feel like it). If I feel like it, that lunch can be 15 minutes or an hour and a half, providing I don't miss any meetings. I leave anywhere between 5:00 and 6:30, depending on how involved I am in what I'm doing. They get their hours from me, but I don't feel I'm working a full day because I don't have to take lunch out of the middle. If I'm too tired to function, like I was by the end of today, I tell my manager I'm leaving early and just go. As Monkey Boy would say, Boom Boom.

I came home and took a nap. I thought I would get more homework done after, but that's not happening. I'm heading back to bed here shortly.

But first, today's laugh. I received this comment on yesterday's post:

Dear Hannah,
I'm happy you're glad to have stumbled onto my blog. Did you actually read any of it? If you did, you would see I've only been blogging on this site for about a month, and besides my sister and my mother you are the only person to comment. For all I know, besides my family you are the only other person to read anything I've written. This blog is a completely narcissistic brain dump of my days, a public diary with little content anyone besides my family would find interesting. Why in the world would I feature guest postings?

This was not spam in the literal sense. There was no link to some erectile dysfunction or knockoff handbag site. There was no link to anything except Hannah's profile, which had no information whatsoever. It was the oddest thing, and random enough to make me laugh out loud.

8/11 - Just another weekend

I'm not certain I have the stomach for introspection either, lately...

The stress is back again. I discovered Friday there's an extra 12 hours or so of lecture I need to watch in the MIT course. I didn't think the recitations were important, because at first glance they appeared to be video-taped study group sessions. Turns out they cover whatever the professor didn't get to in class, and oh by the way they reiterate what he did cover, too. Since it's a teacher's assistant the material is presented in a different way, and the more times I hear it explained the better off I'm going to understand. Looks like once or twice a week I have to double up on the video watching, to make sure I get all the info.

I also discovered the training coordinator wasn't planning to schedule me for anything until I get through this course, which of course makes me feel like I'm falling behind again. I looked at the schedule for one of the other people I've been in training with, and informed the coordinator he can put me in most of the same classes. They are all Plural Site, which means death by PowerPoint and not instructor led. This means I'm not wasting anyone's time if I have to visit Google U to understand a concept. However, I have been exposed to XML, HTML, and I've seen a few CSS too. I think I can handle these. I'm a little annoyed with the idea that, since I don't know coding, I apparently don't know ANYTHING.

When I talked with the coordinator about it, he told me he'd send me the list of classes I need to take, from which I can cherry pick those I think I can handle. This is probably the best approach, though I get the feeling he's getting tired of me. He was visibly exasperated, at any rate. That's another stressor. I don't like being a special case.

I know my manager said he expected it would take longer for me to get up to speed, but I was kind of counting on not being the only one on the short bus. Turns out the person I thought was in the same boat is apparently not, so much. He was able to figure out and hand in the java homework, which is awesome for him. The training coordinator basically told me as long as this guy can hang, he's going to continue scheduling him in the classes. Implying again that I can't hang.

I'm not particularly fond of the training coordinator right now.

I planned to do homework all weekend. I had the problem set from the MIT course, plus 4 hours of death by PowerPoint on Agile Team Practices with Scrum. I was supposed to watch that earlier in the week, but it got pushed off to figure out what my training schedule should look like. I also had the hour of MIT Recitation lecture I didn't think I would need. I still have a paper to write on two different ways to scale a web application, too.

Somehow, all of that did not get done. I pushed the 4 hour death by PowerPoint class off until Monday, before I even left work Friday. I did watch the recitation, and finished one of the MIT problems. I didn't realize there were a total of 3 problems from this assignment. I did some research on the paper, but it was little more than article gathering. I haven't actually read any of the articles yet, to get the info in my head well enough to write about anything.

I can't even tell you what I did yesterday. Errands. Grocery shopping. Dishes and laundry. Very little in the way of homework. I can tell you what I'll be doing most nights from now on. You guessed it. Homework.

This morning I had the Perfect 10-Miler race. Blah Blah Blah didn't sleep well. Blah Blah Blah upset stomach. Blah Blah Blah can't run the first 2 miles of any run lately, because my ankles and shins HURT. I'm fine once they loosen up, but I have no idea how to loosen them up any faster. It's very frustrating. I tried walking and stretching before the race today. That didn't work. I've tried walking a full mile, which helped some. Even slow running does not work. I ultimately have to walk until they loosen up.

So I did a lot of walking the first 2 miles. You can see by the graph below though, once I found my pace I pretty much kept it regardless of hills. Also, upset stomach. The dip in the middle at the top of the hill was a porta potty stop - the first I've ever taken in a race.

Not my best race, but I wasn't in it to win it. However, it was the motivation I needed to get running regularly again, and I'm still focused on my marathon next year. I plan to sign up for it right after this year's marathon in October, so I have that same deadline motivation I had for this race. I have a training plan worked out, though it will of course change over time. I'm incapable of sticking to a plan long term, and Superman asked today if I wanted to go back to yoga come September. The answer to that is a resounding YES, but it will mean shifting my long runs to Sundays, which means I might not be able to run on Mondays like I am now. I might switch to Tuesday Thursday runs, with the workout classes at work on Monday Wednesday and Yoga on Saturdays. Maybe. We'll see how it all plays out.

8/8 - Just a day

I pretty much got nothing today. I went to work, learned a little about programming, completed the card I picked up yesterday (I'm getting REALLY good at forms), and started trying to find info on the scalability paper I'm supposed to write. I came home, ran 4 miles (took over 2 to get the kinks out enough to really run) then had dinner with Monkey Boy.

It was just a day. Albeit a good one, but just a day. I hope I have more like this, soon!

8/7 - Surreal

Photo Credit

After the stress and drama of the past few weeks, as I fought to stay afloat and on top of the learning curve at work, today was downright surreal. I walked in on time (not early like I said I would be) and immediately got started on my stored procedure homework. I found a few mistakes in the one stored procedure I'd already written, then wrote the other I needed for my Database Programming homework. No stress. No distractions. Just came and in put in work. It's amazing what a plan of action and concrete direction can do for my psyche.

I handed in the stored procedures and moved on to the MIT Intro to Computer Programming course. I am even more convinced this course is what I'm missing, after today's lecture. It covered objects, data types, and I wrote my first little Python program. I had to figure out how commands differed between the version of Python in the lectures, which are from 2011, and the version I'd installed on my machine. I had to figure out how to make my program run. I accomplished all that, and understand the concepts underlying the assignment. I forwarded my completed assignment to the Sr. Engineers who are supposed to review and make recommendations for me to aid in my learning.

I also completed about 98% of the card I'd picked up. I have one more edit to make, which the QA person found while I was making the other edits. I also completely reformatted one of the forms, and have to figure out why it's rendering 2 pages wide in addition to the 3 down it is and should be. I might have to ask someone for pointers on where to look for that, but I'm expected to ask questions.

Overall, it was a normal day, or at least as normal as my days are SUPPOSED to be. Refreshing, that. I didn't even bring my laptop home, for the first time in weeks. I had absolutely no intention of working tonight, and have spent the evening playing a mindless jewel game.

Of course, now the stress and drama are seemingly over, my body is reacting to it all. I was exhausted for no apparent reason, all day. The exhaustion made me apathetic about running, so I took another rest day today. I'll certainly have kinks to work out before Sunday's race, but I'm not stressing about it at all. It's just another long run, albeit with a crowd of people and a festive atmosphere.

I'm not stressing about anything right now, except how to beat this level on my phone.

8/6 - I think we have a plan

I'm not sure riding a bicycle is the appropriate image for this quote, but this quote is certainly appropriate for my state of mind today. I have to do the work in order to learn. After meetings yesterday and today, I now have a plan to 1) do actual work in the program I will be supporting, and 2) do actual programming in python, which should fill in the missing gaps in my knowledge.

I didn't realize until today how much being behind on my training has made studying and learning more difficult. Questions and concerns pop into my mind when I'm trying to listen to lectures or focus on what I'm reading. I found myself on that merry-go-round again this morning, in the SaaS class I was scheduled to take. More than once I found my brain drifting off to how I was going to get caught up, to what I still have due, and to where the holes in my knowledge lay. I also found myself worrying about whether my predicament will color how the team and management see my potential. I do not want to get dinged on this come year end review time.

Following up on yesterday's meeting with my manager, I came in this morning and picked up another card from the work in progress board. Sink or swim it is! Turns out it's the same card I'd picked up on the 25th, which I'd had to put on hold. The other new engineer picked it up and submitted his changes, but the QA failed the card because there were at least 19 things missed. Considering how many forms and changes this card covers, that sounds about right. Anyway, I pulled it from the failed column and have marked it as mine. I told my manager I'll be cherry picking from now on, trying to find easier cards until I get more confident in the program. My current goal is to successfully complete at least one card a week.

I had a meeting with my manager and the training coordinator this afternoon, to make sure we are all on the same page regarding what to do about the holes in my training. I wanted to make sure we all have the same expectations regarding what I'm doing and how long it takes me to do it. The biggest outcome of that meeting is I will be taking the MIT Introduction to Computer Science and Programming course, which is offered free online.

This course is 26 lectures, each approximately 45-50 minutes long. There is homework, to be completed in Python, after each lecture. The training coordinator at first thought I could just listen to the lectures all day every day, get through the course in a week, and be where I need to be. I had to explain that was not a good idea, that I would quickly get burnt out, would not retain the information, and would not have time to do the homework on a schedule like that.

The end result is I will watch 1-2 lectures a day, depending on my other classes. Add in working on cards and other team meetings, and I'm thinking this will be a lecture a day. I'm supposed to do the homework, which will be checked by the Sr. Engineers. I'm supposed to take notes and let the training coordinator know if there's anything I could have skipped over, in case they need to send anyone else through this course. I'm also supposed to continue on the current training path, and catch up with the programming homework as I learn enough to do so.

I made sure to reiterate several times in the meeting that I have no problem with learning, that I enjoy learning and do it well. What I had a problem with was trying to teach myself visual basic to do the .NET homework,  then trying to teach myself the fundamentals of programming to do the Ruby and Java programming. Spending so much time and energy on teaching myself these fundamentals meant I couldn't focus on other homework, like the SQL Database Programming, which I know how to do.

I'm afraid I might have said too much about lying in bed at night, wondering what I got myself into. I probably should have left that unsaid, but for some reason I'm all about open foot insert mouth lately. I can think of at least 4 things I've said to various people in the last month that I wish I hadn't. I'm not usually so much a stream of consciousness person, but apparently this is who I am right now!

My plan for this week is to finish the one stored procedure I need to hand in the Database Programming homework, write the paper from today's SaaS course, take one of these lectures (plus homework) a day, and spend any time left on the card I picked up. I started coming in about 15 minutes earlier, and will leave a little later in order to get it all done. I really do not like having homework I know how to do hanging out there, so I need to make time to get it handed in. Apparently getting it done in the evenings is not working out for me, because I've brought my computer home several days in a row and barely even logged on. This is actually a good week to focus on catch-up, since I only have one other scheduled class (a 4 hour Plural Site death by PowerPoint I plan to complete on Friday).
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I opted not to attend the Tap Out class today, in part because I wanted to finish the first lecture in the MIT course. In part because when I woke up today my whole body was yelling at me to take a rest day. Also, my lower back has been tender and I don't want to push that too hard when I have a race this weekend. I ended up walking 4 miles after dinner, which I think was a perfect alternative. I worked out some stiffness but didn't stress anything already stressed. I'm taking each day as it comes, when it comes to working out this week. I'm not taking the race seriously, but I don't want it to be a slog or the worst long run ever, either.

8/5 - A sigh of relief (or "another turn on the merry-go-round")

Several hours of death-by-PowerPoint classes later...

I've been stressing all weekend about the list of things I need to know before I can even begin to work in my new job. I came in this morning and immediately asked my manager if he had a few minutes to talk. I felt they shouldn't have hired me as an engineer, if they were going to presuppose all new hires have a level of knowledge I told them in my interview I did not have. I'm not stupid enough to suggest that, though. I wanted to let him know the MIT classes I'd found were 26 hours, each. I wanted to ask him how the math majors they'd hired in the past were brought up to speed. We talked about how much of this training I'm really going to need.

I told him how it worked in Support, with our one week of training before hitting the phones. I suggested sink or swim might be a valid choice here. I'll learn whatever they want me to know, but I let him know I was concerned they would get tired of waiting for me to get up to speed. I suggested I could cherry pick some of the easier cards, just to get experience actually working in the program. Ultimately I wanted assurances that, providing I continue to work very hard to get where I need to be, they will continue to give me the time needed to get where I need to be.

It was a good conversation. Turns out the math majors spent months in a conference room with an engineer, being taught .NET. Turns out at least my manager is not going to be concerned if it takes me another month or so to get up to speed. He even suggested I don't try to set any speed records in learning everything.

My manager must have then talked to the training coordinator, because I had an impromptu meeting with HIM later in the day. He said he understood how frustrated I must be with this training experience. I told him it wasn't the learning I had a problem with, it was the fear I wasn't learning fast enough to absorb everything they were throwing at me. He told me not to worry, that they are taking me out of the existing program until I can learn what I need, then they will put me through the program again.
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I think I mentioned some of the fun I've been having with my insurance company, since finding my policy covered a car I haven't owned for 6 months. I had them put the new lease vehicle on my policy the day my car was flooded. Shortly after, I received a refund check for $.53. Yes, 53 cents.

The person I talked with that day suggested I call the following Monday to get a refund for the amount of time I'd paid for insurance on a car I didn't own. After much conversation, it was determined a refund would result in a 6-month period of time where I was uninsured, which would result in an increase in premiums. Instead, they suggested they could change the policy from the last 6 months to operator only, where I was insured but there was no car listed. This resulted in about a $200 refund, which satisfied my outrage at having paid over $400 for nothing.

I received the final check for this refund over the weekend (2 checks, because the time frame covered 2 policy payments). Because I hadn't been notified differently, I checked my policy and found I am now the proud owner of an operator only policy. They did not put the lease vehicle back on, so I attempted to put the lease vehicle back on. For some reason the on-line tool wanted to charge me $100 more than I had previously paid?!? I called the insurance company today, and after 20 minutes of wrangling was told the cost would be $100 more because I am coming from an operator only policy.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So basically, I went from potentially getting a full refund but having to pay extra for not having insurance over the last 6 months, to getting a partial refund and having to pay extra for not having a car over the last 6 months.

I am rather proud of my reaction. I was angry, and I let them know I was angry. I did not, however, yell. I did not swear (which I have done in situations like this in the past). I maintained my stance of righteous indignation. I told them I felt I was being robbed, and if they insist on charging me this rate that I will take my insurance needs elsewhere. Over the course of the conversation the agent said something about the fact that I was, in fact, covered the whole time. At that point I said I wanted to file a claim for the water damage, which I had been told I couldn't do because that car wasn't covered. I'm certain they will tell me, because I was covered but the car wasn't, that the claim will be denied. The agent wanted to talk to the person who actually converted my policy, saying the fact they gave me a refund indicated they were accepting culpability.

I spoke with that agent again later in the day, and the story didn't get any better. He insisted  the car dealership started calling the insurance company on 2/11, asking if I had coverage for the new car. That would be a full 2 weeks before I even went in to look at new cars. He told me they called several times, and were told each time I did not have coverage on the 2013 lease. There was no talk of filing a claim, accepting a claim, or adjusting my rates back to where they were.

I'm claiming bullshit, and have spent the evening looking up insurance quotes. I actually found two quotes that are less than I was paying. Now I just have to decide if I wait until the operator only policy runs out before changing companies, or if I get real coverage now. Technically I'm covered, it's just the car that isn't. The question is, how much am I willing to gamble? I'm also seriously considering reducing the insurance I carry, since it's obvious the car dealership doesn't care if I carry what they told me they wanted. They were apparently told several times that I didn't have coverage, but never called me or did anything about the coverage deficiency.
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I visited my favorite park after work today, for 4 much-needed shake-out miles. My quads were still tight from Saturday's run, so today started out a little rocky. I kept pushing though, and by the last mile was flying. I really love the feeling of flying!

I'm not sure how to taper for a race I don't really care about, except that it was an excuse to get me running. I've pretty much decided not to taper at all, other then reducing my Saturday run to a 3-miler since the long run will be Sunday's race. I'd planned to push the mileage back the following week, but now I'm excited about trying to run home from Superman's again. I guess I'll play it by ear and see how I feel. The one thing I'm NOT willing to do is let myself get injured again. I know I have a year before my marathon, but I believe I need every week of that time to adequately prepare.

8/4 - starting to wonder

Random geek stuff. Learn more here.

I had a blog post written in my head on Friday, but got caught up writing a stored procedure for my Database Programming homework. It's nice I can get caught up in the work like that. It kind of felt like the "flow" I used to get when working with clay, where I lost track of time and was hyper focused on the task at hand. I think the ability to find flow in these work related tasks is important. It means 1) the tasks, while challenging, are not completely out of my range, and 2) I enjoy doing them enough to get lost in them. This bodes well for a future in development.

Friday afternoon I attended a JavaScript class, where I was slightly less lost than in previous programming classes. I'm starting to recognize lambdas, and to understand things like calling functions. I still struggled, and had to have most things spelled out for me, but once spelled out they made sense. I'm still at the building block stage, able to write a few letters, maybe a word or two. This is to say, while I still don't know a programming language, I'm beginning to learn the language of programming.

This is about where I am in writing code. I know a few words (like Me, which starts the sentence above). I may not put the letters in the correct order, but I can sound out a word or two (like ADN above). I even know a few things like the sentence should continue on the next line, instead of say wrapping around the page. I'm at a kindergarten level, but I'm learning. However, I'm still stressed about learning fast enough. 

There was another newly hired engineer in the JavaScript class. This person knows SQL very well. He transferred in from our SaaS department, so has quite a bit of other computer knowledge. He came from the company where we purchased the program I used to support (and is on that team in PD). He also has no programming language. This newly hired engineer is finding himself in the same position I am, struggling to understand what they are trying to teach, unable to display what we do understand without a language to express the concepts in. I understand why management hired us, but at the same time I'm starting to think it was a mistake to hire us as engineers.

It's sad, but it made me feel better to hear him ask, repeatedly, "Are you sure there wasn't a prerequisite for this class?" I don't wish this frustration on anyone, but it reduced my stress levels a little to know he will experience similar issues. This way, management HAS to see it's not just me. It's not that I am too stupid to get it.

The good news is, when that senior engineer expressed concern about my apparently obvious struggles, management and the training coordinator had a meeting to determine what I would need in order to get up to speed. They want to create a training plan for people like me, who have no computer theory background or programming language. I'm told they have brought in math majors in the past, though I'm not sure how well those people fared or how they were trained. This whole training program thing is rather new.

The bad news is, the list of what I need to learn to catch up is extensive. I am the guinea pig, and have been tasked with finding the materials to train myself. I'm supposed to share what I find so others can benefit.

Oddly enough, there is no introduction to any programming language on the list.

This is what I spent Saturday evening doing: searching Google, Youtube, the free MIT training courses, and Wikipedia for information on the list I was provided. It's a somewhat terse list, so I'm not certain in all cases that I have found the information to which they refer. However, I have a combination of videos and MIT courses that cover the majority of what they want. In all, it should only take a month or so to catch up.

A month. *sigh* I'm already starting to chaff a bit for not actually learning about the program I'll be working with. When I started in Support, they gave us a week of training then put us on the phones. We knew the bare bones, the basics, and even that not well. We learned on the fly. I'm starting to agree with the Sr. Engineer who was pushing me to get into the program. I believe I'll learn more on the fly than I will in all this disparate training on things I likely won't use anytime soon. I'm planning to have a conversation with my manager first thing tomorrow, to see what his thought process is on the whole thing.

Meanwhile, I'd hoped to have the Database Programming homework done this weekend, but that didn't happen. I worked on it Friday, worked on the list they gave me yesterday, and today I went to a Medieval Faire.

The Faire was fun, though I'm not as obsessed as some of the people we saw. There were quite a few people in costumes of various eras. There were a lot of merchants, some good music, and a few funny acts. Definitely more than could be seen in a single day. I think the day would have gone over better if I hadn't spent the first few hours trying to find the friends I was supposed to meet there. This was made even more challenging by 1) no maps, and 2) no cell signal. Ultimately we did find each other, but by then it was almost time for Superman and I to leave. He has a very early morning tomorrow and needed to get home to prepare. I hoped to get more homework done, but somehow that didn't happen. Instead, I did some cooking and caught you all up on my weekend. 

On the running front, Superman came up with the idea that I would run home from his place. He would drive my car home, and run back to his place. This is a 13 mile run, which fit in pretty well with the 12 mile run I'd planned through the park. I figured I'd walk the first mile to warm up and avoid some of the issues I'd experienced in my last few long runs. That actually worked, for the most part. Unfortunately I failed to fuel properly so this run did not go as well as last week's. I did get 9 solid miles in, on some hilly terrain. I also get to think about how best to fuel for next week's race. This is a good thing, since I hadn't really thought about it until now. 

8/1 - Nothing can bring down this good mood

This is what happens when I'm in long meetings where I don't have to take notes, just listen to someone talk for 2 hours. It is the doodle I've done pretty much my entire life, in all classes and on all school notebooks. It's not fine art, but I think it's pretty and it qualifies as today's creative outlet.
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In a complete and utter departure from my normal self, I woke this morning and actually liked my body. Specifically, I admired my core, which is the first (and usually only) place I look before I start hating. It's not like the belly has gone away. I still carry far too much weight. There is still a network of stretch marks and scars. For some reason though, it looked flatter - more toned - more attractive. I didn't believe the scale that isn't mine, which said I'm down a couple pounds. I don't believe, even if the scale was right, that it will stay that way. I don't know what is different about these days, few and far between, where I don't hate this vehicle I live in.

I like to think I live by Hunter S. Thompson's view:

so I don't know why I let it bother me that my body is not pristine. It has been broken. It has healed the best it can, and I am still working on the healing process. It has been used, it has given me joy and babies and strength and satisfaction. It makes me sad that I can only appreciate these things on the days when I don't see my belly protruding too far, or when I catch the view in the window only under a certain light.

I'm attributing today's perception to the gallon of liquid I drank yesterday. My theory is drinking that much flushed out the excess water I normally carry. I have no idea if this theory is based in any type of reality, but I'm going with it and shooting for a gallon a day every day. This may not be possible, depending on my saturation levels when I started yesterday, which were likely lower than they are today. It's a goal though, one I will achieve again today.
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I did not spend the entire day feeling like a sexy beast. Reality came crashing down and I no longer felt attractive and svelte. The glow remained though, enough for me to see myself without my normal shit-colored glasses. Reality is I am overweight and I have a belly. Reality also is that the excess weight does not turn me into an ogre. It does not make me ugly or unattractive.

-- heal --

yeah!

Nothing can bring down this good mood. 

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After walking in to work all confident on several levels, feeling attractive and intelligent enough to complete my Ruby homework, I proceeded to spin my wheels most of the day on my Programming homework. I did ask the instructor to help me narrow my focus, as I seem to have a tendency toward thinking too much about these assignments. I make them more difficult than they need to be. For some reason I resisted taking his advice, which was to create a stored procedure for a single unit order. I want to create one that can handle multiple products. I know it can be done, and have even seen posts on how to do it, but I haven't quite figured out how to write mine to successfully do so. Yet.

I also had a major attention to detail fail, where I completely missed the multiple notices that today's afternoon class required I read 3 chapters beforehand. I used to be a word processing reviewer, which means I'm trained and practiced in attention to detail. I've been floundering the last few weeks, finding time after time that my attention to detail is currently AWOL. I saw this notice in my calendar about 5 minutes before the class started. Yeah, not enough time for 38 pages. I had to ask to be pulled from today's class and rescheduled for the next one in several weeks time. This, after calling someone who's name I know by the wrong name, and showing up for a class half an hour early this morning. I can't even blame lack of sleep, because I slept very well last night, thank you very much.
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THIS made me laugh today. This is our cafeteria, and the guy behind the counter is known as "Dad." His collection started with 5 little duckies. One walked away when someone brought their kid in for lunch one day, so I contributed the big black one (who is now known as "Mother Ducker"). I came in today to find the brood has doubled in size! I was quite amused.

7/31 - My brain hurts

This little gem is my very first successful code/script! It's not the prettiest thing, but it works and complies with all of the criteria.

It has:
a Variable - (name)
a Method - set_name
a Class - Diner
a String - any of the green text in quotes
a Symbol - the : in front of food1-8
a Hash - the :food1-8 list
a Loop - the current_iteration_number bit

The code basically greets Mr. Bigglesworth, then asks if he's hungry. If he answers n, it tells him to have a nice day. If he answers y, it suggests 4 of the food items in the hash. If he answers anything else, it tells him it doesn't know how to respond.

I literally worked on this all day today. I was truly at my wits end, stressed enough to not even eat lunch (which NEVER happens!). I'm having a very difficult time with the noise levels in PD. There is one person on my team who is often conversing (loudly) with at least one other person. I don't know how he gets any work done. I've tried wearing headphones and using white noise mp3s, but I can't play it loud enough to keep from being distracted. I literally had to go find a quite spot over by Support. There were people talking in Support, but it was a low hum, muffled by the cubical cloth wall acoustics.

Even with a quite work area, I didn't think I was making any headway on this assignment. I was spinning my wheels, Googling incessantly, skimming over information on all the items above, and trying to figure out where to even start. I had several false starts, where the original scope was too ambitious or the direction I was heading led to dead ends. I left work right at 5:00, which also never happens. By the time I got home I'd decided I needed to cut the project down, to make it more manageable. It took probably 2 hours of complete quiet to finally find a valid starting place. Once I had a portion of code working, it was easier to use trial and error to add the other aspects I needed.

Now all I have to do is write a stored procedure for my Programming with SQL Server class, then figure out what the heck I'm supposed to do with the .NET homework. That will at least get me caught up, and I can focus on any homework from tomorrow or Friday over the weekend. I'm not worried about the stored procedure, and finishing this has given me some confidence about the .NET stuff. I'm not saying this was easy, because it wasn't, but it did come together eventually. Finding a quiet corner to work helped.

I went back and forth all day about whether my scheduled run tonight would be beneficial. I knew it would be good for stress reduction, but so would actually getting the assignment done. It turned out to be a non-issue, as I came home and immediately dug into the assignment again. I barely raised my head to say hello to Superman, who was awesome about giving me the room and silence I needed to get this done. So I won't get my 5 days of workouts in this week. I'm not concerned, since the goal is to average about an hour a day, and the weekend runs are currently averaging 2-3 hours each. I can say I haven't had any sugar for the past 3 days, and I haven't snacked after dinner either. I also drank a full gallon of liquid today, so I've got that going for me. Tomorrow is another Tap Out class, which is easy since I'm already at work. I just have to show up.

7/30 - Everything will be ok

I'm not going to lie. I went looking for quotes and motivation today. My head is all tied up with where I stand at work. I know I'm the cause of my latest problem, which is that I'm over-thinking everything and taking too long to complete homework assignments. The best solution I've come up with regarding the concerns about my abilities is to work harder. I'm not sure that's a good solution, but it's all I could think of to do.

I spent a good bit of time on my Ruby homework today, but am now stuck in the same place I am with my .NET homework. I'm afraid I'm trying to do too much again, in trying to call random items from an array. The assignment is to use everything the class was supposed to teach in a single file: variables, methods, classes, strings, symbols, hashes or arrays, and loops. The example we were given was a little program that returned random dice rolls, but I don't see where the array or hash are included. Not saying it isn't there. Just that I don't see it.

I also found out today I broke something when I checked in my changes Friday. Well, broke is a harsh word. When the QA tried to generate the form I'd been working on, no data populated. I'd entered information in order to actually see the print view of the form, to verify it worked correctly. I neglected to remove the data I'd entered. Granted, the person who told me how to enter that data didn't tell me I'd need to remove it, but it never occurred to me to ask. One more item on the list of things to remember to look at before checking form changes in.

I did get my Introduction to SaaS and Cloud paper written and handed in, so that's progress. I updated homework from the Relational Database class in order to use it for the Programming with SQL Server class, and got started on the stored procedure I need to write for that homework. Progress is being made, though slowly in some areas.

I keep reminding myself that it's not everything I'm having issues with. It's one area, which is a recurring theme through a few of my classes. I also reminded myself that it's only been a month. I'm not going to be fired next week. They will give me a couple months before making any real determination. And if it does turn out I'm not developer material, Superman reminded me that would not be the end of the world. I could get a job doing installs, like the one I was offered before I accepted this one. I'm not ready to toss in the towel yet, but I don't have to let the potential outcome of this grand experiment distract me and make achieving success in this endeavor more difficult.

One thing I did succeed at, which I hadn't until today, was to stay for an entire class of Tap Out. I had to modify some of the moves toward the end: do push-ups on my knees; hold planks instead of powering up from plank to push-up position; step through plank to squat instead of popping up to my feet. I can feel my arms, shoulders, and abs, which is why I keep going back to this class. I need cross-training. I need upper body and core work. I also need the class atmosphere to push me in ways I don't push when I'm home alone. All of that is working for me right now.

7/29 - Choice and over-thinking and Monkey Boy!

There's apparently a theme in my inbox this week. Choice. Choosing what I eat, what I want, and what I do.

I'm something of a quote-a-holic, and have signed up for a few to be delivered daily to my inbox. There were actually two in today's mail that struck a chord.

Habits...the only reason they persist is that they are offering some satisfaction.  We allow them to persist by not seeking any other, better form of satisfying the same needs. Every habit, good or bad, is acquired and learned in the same way - by finding that it is a means of satisfaction.

- Juliene Berk

This goes along with the "you have trained yourself to eat in situations like this" message from Living Lean. I picked up the Living Lean again yesterday, created my reminder card and wore it all day today. Then I came home and had a pint of ice cream for dinner. Today was something of a challenge, and I did eat the way I've trained myself to do in stressful situations. I also rationalized it by saying I needed to get the ice cream out of the house. Now the ice cream is gone and I need to start over on learning different coping mechanisms for stressful days.

I actually have mixed feelings about what I learned today. I decided last night I would have to put the card I'd picked up Friday on hold for the today. I'm still not up to speed on my .NET classwork, and am behind on homework for several other classes as well. I have to teach myself the Ruby I didn't get in the 4 hour class that actually only took an hour and a half. I have to refresh my memory on the Database Programming with SQL Server class, which I took while in Support, didn't have time for the homework, then missed the class taught last Monday when I was out for the flood issues. I now have a paper to write about our SaaS department and cloud computing, as well.

After announcing in our morning stand-up meeting that I was putting the card on hold to study the Ruby information, I proceeded to get lost in the .NET stuff again. I'm making progress and have a solid understanding of arrays. I also discovered yet again that I have a tendency to read too much into things. I spend most of the morning trying to print book titles by calling on ISBN numbers. Printing strings (words) by  calling on integers (numbers) is apparently not a beginners task, and certainly not something I currently have the tools to accomplish.

I have to date:

• Spent too much time trying to basically rewrite the accounting module of our software, when asked to create a simple General Ledger table for the Relational Database class.
• Spent too much time and gone into far too much detail in writing scenarios for the Gherkin homework. The QA who reviewed my work told me I went above and beyond, and that he wouldn't have gone into such detail.
• Spent too much time trying to write a program to display book titles by ISBN, when the request was simply to display book titles from an array. 
• I also had a talking to by one of the engineers, in a laughing manner but still a talking to, because I over-documented the changes I made Friday. My thought process was that I'm going through forms making certain changes were made, so I should document the changes I make. This way QA won't have to go through the entire change document and will only have to review the changes I made. Apparently this was also over-thinking things. 

My manager told me today that one of the senior engineers expressed concern about my ability, because it's obvious I'm struggling. I'm told it's obvious I'm focused (he said I'm tied for the most focused person on the team). It's obvious I'm working hard. It's apparent I'm struggling though. This is disconcerting, because in addition to sharing information and making sure all engineers are on the same page, the training is supposed to weed out those who can't hang. I believe I can hang. I'm tenacious enough to keep picking at what I don't understand, until I do understand. I just need enough time to gain that understanding. 

The engineer who expressed concern is the same engineer who keeps pushing me to get into Bacon Patrol, and I'm not certain what he is seeing to tell him I'm overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed, but I'm not certain where he's seeing it. Maybe because I keep pushing back. When he convinced everyone I should take the card I picked up Friday, I told them all I had homework and classes. They explained this wouldn't count against the sizing of the card (sizing = how long they expect it to take to complete) so I agreed to pick it up. Just the one day working on it, plus the day working with V, has given me confidence with the forms and text box aspects of Powerbuilder. 

My manager helped formulate a plan, where I walk away from the .NET stuff for now. Since we didn't get the full 4 hours of Ruby, they have scheduled an hour to "brush-up" on what we missed. I figure the instructor will walk in and say "what can I help you with?" which means I need to know what she can help with. I need to get the Programming with SQL Server homework out of the way, and the SaaS paper. These are my focus this week, along with the classes I have scheduled. There shouldn't be any homework from this week's classes, until the java class on Friday. It wasn't in his plan, but I figure I'll work on the .NET homework at home. He is right that I've been spending too much time on it, and I need to re-prioritize. 

I don't know how all of this will play out. I'm troubled by how much I'm reading into things, over-thinking things, which is causing me to spend too much time on them. I'm bothered by the fact someone is expressing concern about my abilities. I told my boss I expected to be uncomfortable and overwhelmed for the first several months. I knew I was walking into this position without a coding language, which put me at a deficit. I am putting everything I have into soaking up as much information as possible, but it's still drinking from the fire hose. I just hope they give me enough time to assimilate all the information into a usable whole. 

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In other, better news, Monkey Boy is home!

My house feels very small, with two grown men in it. I don't know how the three of us lived here for so many years! Life is going to be quite interesting over the next few months...

7/28 - Choices, Houses, and Monkey Boy

This quote is quite pertinent to the Living Lean philosophy I've been working with today, which is basically I have the choice to eat that pint of ice cream, or I can choose the size 8 jeans I would like to fit into. I just have to decide what I want more, right now. The thought might come back 5 minutes from now, but I'll deal with it then. Right now, which do I want more?

As suggested by the program, I've created a reminder for myself that I can attach to my belt loop. This go around I'm addressing my addiction to sugar and after dinner snacks. There are other addictions I want to walk away from as well, but these will suffice for now. The idea is, whenever I want something with sugar in it, I instead read the card and remind myself 1) I have a choice and 2) there are benefits to not choosing that thing. One other thought they had me put on an earlier card was "I've trained myself to eat this way in this situation." I might put that on this card too, because it's true.

Today's accomplishments:

Today I fixed my Mom's laptop, which wasn't showing the screensaver or shutting down when she expected. I also fixed the issue she had with her desktop not communicating with her networked printer. 

Today I finally finished the book I've been trying to read for the last month, for work. I wrote the book report/reaction paper, but I think I'll want to rewrite that before I hand it in to my manager. There's a lot of "I" in it, and some not so positive "the company" stuff. At least I have a first draft to work from.  

Today I also went with my Mom to look at rentals. The general family consensus is that she can't afford the house she's been living in for the last 40+ years. The truth is, the house did not receive the necessary upkeep, and the retirement funds she has left are not enough to get it and keep it in repair. Taxes and utilities are also hella expensive, and the yardwork is already sometimes too much for her. We are looking at houses because she has a lot of stuff she doesn't want to get rid of, like sewing and knitting machines.

This is in Cleveland Heights, near the Noble library, but it looks like either the people are not moved out or someone has already moved in. Nice neighborhood with kids playing outside. Lots of room to walk the the dog, though the backyard was not enclosed. None of the ones we looked at today had enclosed back yards. Small yard, so the mowing wouldn't be overmuch, but large enough to hold her stuff.

This is also in Cleveland Heights, not far from the first house and closer to Monticello. It was also what looked like a nice neighborhood. There wasn't much of a lawn to mow, but the hedges on the side and back of the house were so overgrown she wouldn't be able get her car to the garage. Keeping up on the hedges would be a chore even if the lawn wasn't.

This is in Euclid. I like the house a lot, but getting back into the neighborhood was a challenge, in part because of cars parked on the narrow streets. You don't see the driveway, which starts out on enough of a hill that I bottomed out pulling in. I like the brick and the yard looks easy to care for, but that driveway would be a pain and difficult to plow in the winter.

This is another Euclid house. I liked it best, even though the houses on either side were both in need of work. From the outside at any rate, this looked like it was in the best shape. It was also the smallest of the 4 we looked at though, so probably wouldn't be in the running even if it were still available by the time she's ready to move.

I'm feeling surprisingly well after yesterday's double jaunt through the park. My thighs and hamstrings are tight (but not overly so), and I had to take some Aleve for the pain in my foot this morning. Google tells me it's either planar fasciitis or tendonitis. I blame my back, partially because I blame everything on my back. Also, the left side of my lower back hurt this morning too. Honestly I don't know the cause, but the Aleve seems to have done the trick. I walked about a mile and a half this evening, down Babbit to Lakeshore and back, with no issues. I'll try a short run tomorrow morning, but won't push for speed or distance unless I'm feeling no pain.

I probably won't have time to blog tomorrow, since I'm picking up Monkey Boy after work. I expect to spend the better part of the evening hanging out with him and my self proclaimed BFF.

7/27 - Living Lean and Epic Runs

This quote is the logic behind the Living Lean program I was following (and will begin following again soon). I find I have trouble following things when I disagree with them fundamentally. With this program, I balked at the "Living Lean" and mostly the "Living Lardy" designations the program chose. I understand shame works for some people, but for me it just gets my back up and I get defiant. It didn't help I couldn't change the message that popped up every time I logged in, due to an incompatibility with the Vitality website my company uses that originally directed me to the Living Lean site. It seems when you log on through Vitality you lose the ability to edit your profile. It took me a week with the Living Lean help desk to figure that out, and I'm the one who figured it out. Lost a little confidence in them there. However, I do believe some of the message and the tricks they employ are helpful, and I will return with a modified approach.

I very much prefer the "Living Clean" message, and plan to use that instead of Living Lean in the future. I'm in the process of defining with Living Clean means to me. It's something close to primal eating, though I haven't quite worked it all out (nor gotten all the "unclean" foods out of my house yet). I'll probably have more to say on that tomorrow, as I plan to spend some time on it then.

Today's achievements:

I actually slept about 10 hours last night. I'm not sure what happened to make that possible, but it's certainly noteworthy in my world. 

Today I headed out for a 9 mile run, decided within the first mile that I'll never be able to run a marathon next year, then proceeded to cover a total of 16 miles. 

I started with a 2 mile jaunt to the park. I ran the first mile, but by the end of it was so uncomfortable I started walking. I don't know the cause. Maybe because I haven't run since Monday, though I did cross-train Tuesday and walked a fair bit Wednesday. Maybe because I was afraid to slip on the wet slate sidewalks. All I know is my feet and legs hurt and I was at almost a 13-minute-mile pace. I seriously was working out a training plan where I would continue to attempt 10 mile runs every weekend until I could do them without this type of discomfort. There was no way I could conceive running a marathon next year based on the training plan I devised, when i couldn't run a 9 miler today.

I decided I would walk the 9 miles, if nothing else, and attempt to run them again tomorrow. There are Japanese marathon training plans that have people walking all day long, just to get time on their feet. My modified plan now included attempted 10 mile runs every Saturday and walking 10 miles every Sunday. Once I got to the park though, I found my legs remembered how to run, so I started running. 

I swear to you I ran this park earlier in the summer and logged it as 5 miles from start to finish. Google disagrees. So does MapMyFitness. While running it today, I was convinced it was 5 miles. Before I reached the turnaround, I'd decided since I'd mostly walked to the park (I ran the first mile, but conveniently counted the entire trip as "walked") that I would run my 9 miler in the park then walk home. This meant I would run the park twice. As long as I was running it twice, I might as well do the whole 10 miles. I need to be at 10 miles by August 11 anyway. What's one more mile? Then I could run 10 next weekend as well and be certain I can run the entire race on the 11th. 

I ran the first leg of the park non-stop, except when I had to stop for stoplights. When I reached the beginning of the park I walked for about 500 feet while I ate the banana I'd brought with me, then headed off running again. I again ran the park non-stop (except stoplights), until my phone/GPS/music abruptly cut off at what I thought was the 9 mile mark. It was perfect timing, since I'd had 9 miles on the calendar for the day. I thought about continuing to the beginning of the park, but by then I'd stopped running and could not convince my legs to start up again. My feet hurt from pounding the pavement, and I resigned myself to walking home. 

The walk home was 3 miles, and it surprised me how well my legs felt by the end. Yes, tired. But it's obvious running and walking, while using the same muscles, use them in different ways.

When I got home I immediately put my phone on charge in hopes I could recover the MapMyFitness data, and sat down to Google Maps to figure out exactly how far I'd gone. Imagine my surprise when Google calculated my trip at 16 miles!

I was able to retrieve the run info from MapMyFitness, and it corroborates Google's data. The phone died right as I crossed Green, just shy of 3 miles from home. That's not a bad pace, considering I walked the entire 2nd mile and I'm not yet in half marathon form. This actually beats my first half marathon time, which was somewhere around 3:07ish. 

It did take me about an hour to walk those 3 miles home, but I got there, got showered, and got my grocery shopping done. I'm not feeling too shabby right now either. 

My plan is now to repeat this adventure again next week, only not to attempt running that first mile. Just walk up to the park, run it twice, and walk back. If I could run 11 miles today after the harrowing trip TO the park, I can run 12 next weekend with a more leisurely opening gambit. This actually bodes very well for my marathon training plan. 

Unfortunately, with sleeping in and running longer than expected, I did not get much else done today. I did manage to get a speeding ticket on the way to the grocery store. That's probably going to cost me about $230. Interesting how specific the speed they clocked me at: 51 in a 35, making it exactly one mile over into the higher cost bracket. Also, Superman was clocked at exactly that same speed several months ago. I call bullshit, but fighting it would cost time and money I don't have. Considering I am a fast driver, and I was over the speed limit as I punched it to get through a yellow light, I will meekly bow my head and take the punishment. I only get busted once every 4-5 years, so I can't complain too much. Still. It's fishy and it gets my goat just a little to think I'm paying more than I should. I can see maybe I was going 45. I don't buy 51.