Cynical

 From merriam-webster.com: cynical - having or showing the attitude or temper of a cynic; contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives; based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest.

Also, and actually listed first: captious, peevish.

Go ahead, click those links. I'm always surprised when I find out the real definition of a word I thought I knew.

While I do not necessarily consider myself a habitual complainer, I do tend to be cynical. I also tend to believe, for some reason, that nothing good ever happens to me. I don't know why, as this is in no way true. Superman laughs at me when I say I never win anything, and points out what I have in fact won. I still say it. I still believe it when I say it, until he reminds me otherwise. 

This is why I was initially distrustful of Megan when she commented on one of my posts, asking me to be a featured blogger for www.stageoflife.com. You see, I've always secretly wanted to be a writer. Well, maybe not enough to actually sit down and write... I used to write bad poetry on a Freenet usegroup, back when the boys were in pre-school. I loved loved loved my creative writing class in college, and wrote some short stories I thought were pretty good. I came up with a few novel ideas, and even went as far as outlining one. My problem is, I get the idea and get all fired up, then dig into it and realize writing is HARD. I edit as I go, and ultimately loose heart. The idea is put back up on the shelf, and I talk about that great book I might write someday.

So when I saw Megan's comment, at first I was all excited. Someone wants me to write for them! Then I was all "what is this Stageoflife.com anyway?" so I went and looked. Then I was like "she doesn't really mean featured, and this is probably just some spam way to get people signed up for their site." Do you see the cynicism creeping in? "She has ulterior motives" (don't we all?). "Nothing good ever happens to me, ergo this can't be what I think it is because if it was, it would be something good happening to me."

I started this blog in part to fight that type of cynicism. Learning to appreciate. Learning to see the good. So I pushed away my doubts and wrote Megan I was interested. She says anyone can post on the site, but featured bloggers get top billing beneath the editor's welcome, and can link to their blog. I'm not sure yet what area I'll be blogging under, but I will be blogging for StageofLife.com as Shebajc. Because I'm lazy (read: not really bright enough to come up with double the blog posts) I'll be posting both here and there, when I contribute.

Go check them out. Tell me what you think.