9/4/19 - Why We Can't Be Friends

With you in close proximity

My reaction would be distressing

There's no way to heal

The wounds left from guessing

Falsely what I feel

And no way to obtain

What I want

What I need

To be safe and secure in your love again

I need more from you than you're capable

I need the freedom to be able

to live imperfectly

Where mistakes are accepted

Learned from

Forgotten

Not used to blame and shame

Months or years after forgiven

I need unconditional love

I want 'til death do us part

Not kicked to the curb with a broken heart

I want reassurance

Of your love in perdurance

When life shreds my confidence

I need to be cognizant

You still find me appealing

Loveable

Redeeming

When the dark of depression descends

And it will

When I haven't it in me

To fill

You with love, affection, attention

Don't decide for us both

the love I still hold

Has gone cold

Frozen, never to return

Understand I still yearn

To love you

To please you

I want you

I need you to treat me with kindness

not let your propensity for blindness

give vent to Derision

Beration

Frustration

Recrimination

Aggravation

and Chastigation

Know the light will return

It still shines

It still burns

though dimmed

I shall never cease to struggle within

to magnify and reflect any love that you give

9/2/19 - Nothing

There is nothing more to say
The flame
the shame
the pain won't go away

My heart breaks every day we are apart
though it's been months
every day I still find
my heart shattered into shards
that slice and stick and stab
and I bleed

You don't love me
you don't need me
you don't want me
you don't see me the way you once did

Even though I hid
nothing

Even though I gave you
everything

I don't see how we can ever be
anything
again

I don't see how we can ever be
together
again
or even friends

Every day I regret the mistakes I made
every way I could see to take them away
I ruminate

For your love I would wait
weeks, months, years
if I thought you would change
your thoughts and your fears
but you won't.

Once, you lay beside me
once, you stood behind me
once, your arms were around me
once life and love were happy

Once you loved me
once you wanted me
once you liked me
Now you haunt me

And there is nothing I can say
to change the way you feel today